Dear Aquinas,

I have noticed that whenever my friends need something they always come to me. I thought this was a good thing until I realized that it’s because I never say no. I tend to be a people pleaser and I was wondering if you have any ways or tactics that could help me to stand my ground? Thanks!

-Zack Rose

Dear Zack,

Thank you for reaching out to me. This sounds like a tough situation you’re in! I struggle with the same thing as well. What’s gotten me the most progress in learning to stand my ground was simply learning to say no. I know that as a people pleaser this can be difficult and may even seem rude, but it’s okay to say no sometimes. It’s important to remember that saying no won’t hurt anyone, and it truly is the most efficient way to stand your ground and allow you to protect your boundaries. After all, you don’t want to be getting used or pushed around by your friends. And don’t forget, your real friends will understand when you say no, and won’t try to use it against you or make you feel bad. Remember to stay true to yourself!

Until the next question,

Aquinas